mi55nell

Fucking dissertation why the hell did i not just do this when i was supposed to the fucking bain of my life what he fuck!? really though - and now I've completely lost my flow, my eyes are going funny from looking at the screen for too long doing unnecessary random poo like playing games and the shit. Why the fuck would I bother who cares anyway?! what THE FUCK?!?!?!?!


blahblahblah


stress over.

now printing the fucker out so I can read it without going boss-eyed.


fabulous.

Well, I've not been on here for two weeks now because I'm rubbish.

I'm currently trying to write 4000 words of my dissertation due in in two days and I've failed miserably at my goals I've set out in losing weight. I don't even want to weigh myself right now.

Although - some one did ask if I had been dieting because I look as though I had lost weight so I guess I am going in the right direction to too fucking slow.

Still on the Hoodia although I missed a whole days worth and fucked up the timing over the past couple of days so I don;t know what that means, I've not been as hungry but I'm addicted to redbull-esque stuff so we never know right?!

I'm just eating all the time. I'm writing and mindlessly eating crap. Using the excuse of needing to get some air to go to the shop to buy chocolate :|

Just realised I'm also going to have to pull an all-nighter if I expect this dissertation to be finished in time to hand it all in. Fuckssake. Monday will be hilarious. I'm having it bound monday morning and driving straight over to uni to hand it in. On the up side it looks as though I will be going to see Scroobius Pip Monday eve! yay!

Anyway - that's enough for now...don't want to miss out on doing my dissertation do i?!

Mffnnnnggh. rawr.

Okay. So I am now coming to terms with the fact that I am absolutely rubbish and overeat/binge far too often. So I'm taking action. I'm starting a six week course in Hoodia pills teamed up with the absolute determination that by the time it comes for me to exhibit my artwork on the 23rd of May in seven weeks time, I will have lost two stone. Two stone in just under two months. Do-able. No more binging. Lots of fruit. Lots of running round like a loon
^-^

...lets see how this goes!

Well, I've been in Italy all over the weekend with a group of wonderful wonderful people and struggled like hell with eating....

I pigged out on a huge pizza (couldn't finish it all) Red Wine and Ice cream. I had butties on the plane there and back and a ton of orange juice and chocolate.

Now I'm back (I was only gone for two days), I had a pastry and a bar of chocolate yesterday washed down with Red Bull and a wrap and a smoothie so far today. I'm so very disappointed - I hate the feeling of being full. I feel so guilty and sick. EEEEeeeewww...I'm not going anywhere near the scales for at least another week - can't cope with the fact I will have definitely put weight on :(

Fatty Mc Fat...


Think I will go have myself a cigarette

So this morning I woke up so weak and tired but still got up to make my bf brekkie and lunch. I had to have a bowl of Cheerios because I was ready to flake out and my bf would have found out what's going on - not good because I know his sister has issues around eating.
So I tuck into the first bowl and my body's screaming 'thats not enough!' so have another now my tummy feels sick and bloated. I only drink soya milk so it's not as fattening but I still feel rubbish. And it's not even 10 am....pants.
On the upside I did a lot of walking yesterday and also managed to have a zero calorie day so I guess it all balances out. Might weigh myself tomorrow as I'm going to Milan over the weekend and need some inspiration to keep my portions down if I have to eat and remind myself that 180lbs is not a good look on me!

Muchos Love
xx

Binged... rubbish.


Went to see my friend last night and ended up having a red bull as I had to drive home so this means that I have a massive sugar crash and a real urge to binge. So I have one o my emergency iced smoothie lollies for such an occasion this morning (92 cals) Made it through uni with just a Camomile Tea but then on the way back I stopped in to get petrol and end up with a chicken stick (+140 cals) and got home to have a rice cake and a hot choc (60 cals)

I feel full and bloated and stupid. Bleugh. Nearly 300 cals when it was supposed to be a zero day :/ (...actually, upon reflection, thats not as bad as I thought I just feel rubbish)

AND I've started smoking again.

...I am however fairly proud that I've made my boyfriend dinner and told him that I'd already eaten at a freinds at uni ^-^

Now off to the cinema! Here's to a much easier zero calorie day tomorrow as I'm working so it's much easier to be distracted.

Today has been an irritating day as my boyfriend has made food for me. I planned on having a zero calorie day and painting all day but no - he's stepped in and fed me >-<

Today I've had half a bowl of soup
Steamed veg and part of a salmon fillet


Yesterday I had
a tiny bit of omelette with mushrooms and onions
-it was only part because I got freaked out coz I fried it and felt guilty.

I had a zero calorie day before that and plan on carrying on with no more than 400 calories a day when I know my bf is around and zero when he's not.